Undead vs. Living #1: Celebrities

We've all seen the pictures and videos.  Celebrities, especially women, like to show off a lot of skin when they're walking down the aisle of those fake award shows and movie premiers and the line leading towards the adoption office responsible for children from some country that doesn't appear on any self-respecting globe.  Theoretically, showing off the goods is supposed to make these women appear to be sexy and glamorous.  Or maybe it's just meant to give the gents erections in public so that hilarity will ensue.  Whatever the reason, they're forgetting one crucial fact.

Being that close to naked makes you a prime target for zombie attacks.

Don't believe me?  Do the math yourself.  What is it that zombies like to consume?  That's right, human flesh.  What are these celebrities shoving in our faces?  Lots of human flesh.  It's akin to smacking a bear in the face with fresh salmon.  That never ends up well for the salmon.

This all applies to your usual breed of zombie, of course.  I tend to avoid the celebrities myself.  There's just not a lot of meat on the bones.  I mean, can you imagine trying to make a tasty treat out of, say, Callista Flockhart?  Great actress, loved her in her guest appearance on The Practice back in the day, but come on, there's more edible material in a Chicken McNugget.  There's probably more edible material in the box the Chicken McNugget came in.

If I had to choose a celebrity to devour, though, I'd probably go with Emeril.  Yes, someone like Jorge Garcia would be more filling, but Emeril would know exactly which spices to apply to himself for that special dining experience.  BAM!