Election Tuesday

So the Republicans have taken back the House of Representatives and closed the gap in the number of seats separating them from the Democrats in the Senate.  Whoopy fucking do!

It should come as no surprise that it doesn't matter to us zombies whether the country is run by the Blue team or the Red team.  Both of those teams become the Scared Shitless team when we come to play.  Both sides of the aisle taste the exact same when they're being devoured.  They taste of flesh, they taste of blood, and they taste of failure.  If you're wondering, failure tastes a lot like parsley.

The only time in recent memory that the undead have taken any interest in politics was during Bush's presidency.  Sure, he talked a big game about the War on Terror, but I'm here to tell you folks that he wasn't waging that war on terrorists.  No, he was engaging the United States and its allies (such as Kenya...hurray?) in an epic conflict against the only terror that actually matters: us.  Bush was secretly funneling funds and troops in an effort to fight zombies.

Don't believe me?  Here's the press conference:



Luckily Bush didn't count on one key fact.  That fact was that he is an idiot.  Look, no one is denying that he's suited to fighting zombies.  He's from Texas, after all, where both the guns and the spice must flow.  If he were actually the person doing the fighting we might have been in a lot of trouble.

Instead, though, he stayed at home and tried to convince others that they needed to fight in Afghanistan and Iraq (two of the undead's largest population centers).  He even went after one of our most famous zombies, Osama Bin Laden.  It's true, Osama is one of us.  Do you really think that an older man requiring constant medical care could survive this long in the desert by running from cave to cave?  Of course not.  That's just absurd.  He's actually a zombie.

Sadam Hussein wasn't a zombie, but he certainly could have passed for one when the soldiers dragged him out of that hole.

Now, though, it doesn't matter who wins what state or whether the Donkey or the Elephant is voted the Animal Least Likely to Fail by the citizens of the United States of America.  In fact, if they keep raising taxes the way they have been, people might be lining up for miles to be eaten instead of us having to go find our meals.  An easy meal is the best kind of meal.